Comments on: Joy of dating? http://suddenunexpectedtwist.com/joy-of-dating/ Thu, 25 Mar 2010 11:59:45 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: K http://suddenunexpectedtwist.com/joy-of-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-281 K Thu, 24 Dec 2009 09:50:23 +0000 http://suddenunexpectedtwist.com/?p=262#comment-281 Hi darling! I'm sorry to hear that it ended with Chris, I know you really liked him. You know, it's funny, I was just thinking about your habits the other day. You do have a rather bad habit of really falling for people, and then when you see they're not 100% what you want them to be, you get bored. I don't think there is an easy way to get rid of bad habits - whatever they may be. But, I do think that you can take small steps. However, first I think you have to understand that no one is perfect. You're not perfect, I'm certainly not perfect and you cannot expect perfection from anyone. You need to realize that peoples quirks can be something that you can learn to love. Of course, there are some things that you will never be able to learn to love, and in the case that there are too many of those things, it can only mean one thing - the two of you just aren't right for each other. But a few habits that you can't learn to love is okay, in my opinion. I think you just need to find someone with whom you can make it work in every respect. Great sex is not enough. In the long run, you need someone who you can live without, who you can't live without and who you can live with. There needs to be a balance, and in my opinion, from what I know of your relationships, you lack that balance. It's definitely not easy, and I know that because I'm a perfectionist as well, as you know. I just think it's terribly important to understand that you can only mold people - this happens every time people get close, they mold each other - but you cannot change someone. Therefore, you either accept them as they are and learn to love their bad qualities or you look for someone else whose bad qualities are easier to learn to accept. But no one is perfect, and that's a fact. Hi darling! I’m sorry to hear that it ended with Chris, I know you really liked him. You know, it’s funny, I was just thinking about your habits the other day. You do have a rather bad habit of really falling for people, and then when you see they’re not 100% what you want them to be, you get bored. I don’t think there is an easy way to get rid of bad habits – whatever they may be. But, I do think that you can take small steps. However, first I think you have to understand that no one is perfect. You’re not perfect, I’m certainly not perfect and you cannot expect perfection from anyone. You need to realize that peoples quirks can be something that you can learn to love. Of course, there are some things that you will never be able to learn to love, and in the case that there are too many of those things, it can only mean one thing – the two of you just aren’t right for each other. But a few habits that you can’t learn to love is okay, in my opinion. I think you just need to find someone with whom you can make it work in every respect. Great sex is not enough. In the long run, you need someone who you can live without, who you can’t live without and who you can live with. There needs to be a balance, and in my opinion, from what I know of your relationships, you lack that balance.

It’s definitely not easy, and I know that because I’m a perfectionist as well, as you know. I just think it’s terribly important to understand that you can only mold people – this happens every time people get close, they mold each other – but you cannot change someone. Therefore, you either accept them as they are and learn to love their bad qualities or you look for someone else whose bad qualities are easier to learn to accept. But no one is perfect, and that’s a fact.

]]> By: A. http://suddenunexpectedtwist.com/joy-of-dating/comment-page-1/#comment-141 A. Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:46:02 +0000 http://suddenunexpectedtwist.com/?p=262#comment-141 Oh god.. I can't believe I'm back at square one. haha I miss being in a relationship. It's weird though, I have a feeling that I won't be in a relationship for a while. It's always been so difficult for me to find people I want something with, do you think I'm one of those too-picky people? I usually end up frustrated or bored after a while of being alone and end up settling for someone who's wanted my affection for a long time.. Then I try to change them into the best they can be. Ugh I know.. it's a bad habit, but I can't help it. :( I'm such an improver lol. I obviously do it because I think it helps but it always does the opposite. How do we perfectionists learn to be lenient on others, to not try to impose our 'look' or 'vision' on others, to let them be themselves and try not to go crazy picking them apart? It's so hard because we do it to ourselves and the ones we love. (sigh) I guess I have to loosen up and try not to be so controlling. Wow writing this 'comment' was a mini therapy session for me Karina! I can't believe I just realized how controlling I've been in the past. How can I rid myself of this trait?? Help! Oh god.. I can’t believe I’m back at square one. haha
I miss being in a relationship. It’s weird though, I have
a feeling that I won’t be in a relationship for a while.
It’s always been so difficult for me to find people I
want something with, do you think I’m one of those
too-picky people?

I usually end up frustrated or bored after a while of being alone and end up settling for someone who’s wanted my affection for a long time.. Then I try to change them into
the best they can be. Ugh I know.. it’s a bad habit, but I
can’t help it. :( I’m such an improver lol. I obviously do it because I think it helps but it always does the opposite.

How do we perfectionists learn to be lenient on others,
to not try to impose our ‘look’ or ‘vision’ on others, to
let them be themselves and try not to go crazy picking them apart? It’s so hard because we do it to ourselves and the ones we love. (sigh) I guess I have to loosen up and try
not to be so controlling.

Wow writing this ‘comment’ was a mini therapy session for me Karina! I can’t believe I just realized how controlling I’ve
been in the past. How can I rid myself of this trait?? Help!

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